Heyy
It hurts when you feel out of place and ignored. When you feel like you don't belong. When your supposed friends, best friends, partners, family, are just there becasue they have to be. Do you ever feel like they're only there because they get something out of being friends with you? Or just because they have to be, because of you 'links'. They talk to you when you're with them but they more or less ignore on facebook or msn. Nothing anyone seems to say to cheer you up never seems to work, you think they lie to you and they avoid telling you things. Have you ever felt lonely. Even if you're in a huge crowd of people? It's hard feeling like that. And when no one notices that you're upset until someone you've known for years asks you really loudly. It hurts even more when no one notices and ignores you. Feeling lonely. Feeling like you don't belong. Feeling out of place. Feeling ignored. It's hard to hide so much. There is only so much one person can take, and when no one notices what's been going on for weeks how are they even going to change.
So I'm fed up now. College is pointless. Well, it's obviously not, but I just can't be bothered with it any more. I do try my best but I never seem to get any further with anything. I try to stay on top of everything but it never works. I try. But what's the point anymore.
So, I'm hating home at the moment. I always feel like I come last to everyone. It's like I do my chores everyday and Michael doesn't do his. Then the next day he has to do his previous chore but I have to his chores for the day. How is that fair?? I've kinda got used to feeling unwanted by everyone. I guess it will all change by this time next year. Especially knowing I will be off to uni, moving away from home. Suddenly I'll get a load of attention and expected to spend time with the family.
I just feel like absolute shit recently. And it's bad, especially that I'm keeping everything to myself. I should probably speak to someone about my problems. I find it hard to tell people my problems and recently the smallest things get to me and I end up breaking down for no reason. I feel stupid and pathetic about doing it but I can't stop. In the last 3 days it's happened 4 times. And I know it will happen more. I just feel like something bad is going to happen to me and I don't want anything to happen. I just want to be happy.
So that's it for today.
Will blog later
